An off-duty police officer, familiar with traffic speed checking devices, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit.
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?”
The man gets really indignant and says, “Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?”
A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window and says “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.”
The man says,
While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope’s authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back.
They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called into headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it.
The chief asked: “Who is in the limo, the mayor?”
The policeman told him: “No, someone more important than the mayor.”
Then the chief asked, “Is it the governor?”
The policeman answered: “No, someone more important than the governor.”
The chief finally asked: “Is it the President?”
The policeman answered: “No, someone even more important than the President.”
This made the chief very angry and he bellowed: “Now who is more important than the President?!”
The policeman calmly whispered: “I’ll put it to you this way chief. I don’t know who is this guy, but he has the pope as his chauffeur.”
Henry: Who is an undercovers cop?
John: I don’t know, you tell me?
Henry: A sleepy police officer
A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man’s truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?”
The man replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.”
“You need to take them to the zoo,” the policeman said.
The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!” the officer said.
“I did,” the man replied. “And today I’m taking them to the beach.”
Bill, “Where did you get that gold watch Joe?”
Joe, “I won it in a race.”
Bill, “How many people participated in it?”
Joe, “Three. A policeman, the owner of the watch, and me!!!”
Police, “Where do you live?”
Me, “With my parents.”
Police, “Where do your parents live?”
Me, “With me.”
Police, “Where do you all live?”
Police, “Where is your house?”
Me, “Next to my neighbor’s house.”
Police, “Where is your neighbor’s house?”
Me, “You won’t believe me if I tell you.”
Police, “Tell me!”
Me, “Next to my house.”